Party bitches

Remember how I said that I'm not a party animal anymore? I think that must have been some kind of curse, because suddenly everything has changed.

as you can see I'm the only person dancing because I Don't Care

Approximately a month ago ago me and Dorota have decided to causually go out and have a drink or two. Or seven. And that day, we accidentaly started a chain of the lamest parties we end up on, together, not knowing anybody else (or knowing, and willing to pretend we do not).

So this friday when some old friend of mine invited me to a giant birthday party, I knew who will come with me. So we showed up at what was called "party house" - you can tell by entrance for disabled. All the fun places have it, right?

Looks like lots of fun

So we found out what is the definition of the party house: it's just a normal club, but extremely dingy. It wasn't even located in a building that looks like house! Rather like an abandoned meth lab, but not in a cool, edgy way.

Dancefloor was on the other floor than bar, so when I finally got drunk enough to go dancing in the middle of sweaty, smelly crowd; I accidentally slipped on the stairs and I got the biggest bruise in the world #souvenir

Not to mention the dancefloor was so small, that when some drunk desperate redneck chose us for his victims; there was no way to disappear in the crowd. So me and Dorota, we were constantly moving while dancing. But still, we were facing walls no matter which direction we chose. After like 20 minutes of feeling his breath on our shoulders we decided to go and get a drink. And here is the best thing about this party: when you've ordered your drink, bartender poured as much vodka as you wanted.

Then we decided to left this miserable party. First we went down the stairs, that someone puked on (from top to bottom).This time I was really carefull, I didn't want to slip again. But I forgot that there is one more obstacle to get through... The stairs leading to exit were full of seating people, so I reasonably decided to use entrance for disabled. But I didn't consider a) I was wearing high heels b) the surface was covered in water, therefore slippery ( I HOPE it was water) c) I was drunk. So I slipped once again.

Since then I'm experiencing trouble: wearing pants, sitting, walking and basically living. The bruise the size of my hand is not letting me do anything :<

I bet disabled people have party taste good enough to stay away from that place anyway.

M.

Party trip

here's the proof, Google Maps told us that we've wasted ~1hour walking

To cut a long story short: last saturday could be named The Day We Had No Money For Taxis So We Walked 5,4 Km or The Night We Got Kicked Out From 4 Parties Out Of 5, Destroyed a Door, and Then Accidentally Ended Up On a Birthday Party of a Guy From Polish "So You Think You Can Dance" (but first we took the wrong door and visited a random party for Old Desperate People)

I just can't wait to develop all the photos.

Things we took away from random people's houses

Well, we are finally letting you see our amazing collections of the things we found/stole/got during parties. We wanted to share them, because we have amazing stories behind each item.

Stealing things at parties was Melania's thing but this is my first independent theft: batteries from every remote control that I could find. The funny thing is that it was a house in the middle of nowhere so even if they realise that there are no batteries, and they can't use neither TV nor any other thing, they will still have to drive like a thousand miles to get new batteries.

This is my friend's iPhone. He got drunk and threw it on the ground. Like, seven times. And then opened a beer with it. And then it stopped working so he gave it to me. So it wasn't actually stolen but it counts as a prey!

Seashell I've stollen from someone's kitchen (the question is: who keeps seashells in the kitchen?!)

Moomin magnet. New Year's Eve party prey.

Dorota laying on a carpet made of REAL leopard #rich bitch #famous.
She stole a piece of it:

Yes, this is a bike seat which I found in a sink in some random guy's house, while eatin his stale bread. And then I took it away. (actually, I gave it back afterwards, because when I woke up the next day I thought it's quite mean, that because of me someone couldn't use his bike without being anally raped)

Plastic hawaiian garland I stole in the beach bar when Dorota was tempting the seller to give her one of them for free. But the minute he turned around to look if Melania stole it i took another one hehe :

Photo of chinese kid (one of four). I feel quite bad about having it, because I'm sure that someone is missing four photos of his cute disappointed baby.

I also have one on my front door and none of my family members noticed it.

This one we didn't actually manage to steal because someone did it before us (even though Melania hid it). A beautiful clock with a proud chinese.

The Challenge

A couple of days ago the french from our exchange came to visit us and since there were some hot guys we decided to make a challenge: the first one to make out with one of them wins. Because we are both single and bored we thought that it is a great entertainment but none of us succeded :c Instead, I made friends with the funniest person alive who invited me to stay at his place whenever I come to France so I guess it wasn't a total waste. Here are some tips of how to win a challenge like this:
1. Food

I always thought that my life guru Sean Paul sings 'pizza and burger turn me on' but it's actually 'it's all good girl turn me on'. So you can all imagine my disappointment when I realized that he doesn't proclaim my no.1 pick-up trick in one of his finest work. But anyway, I can assure you that giving guys some good food works.

2. Severe ass grabbing
There is no better way of showing what your intentions are. Go for it.

3. Going to a party half - naked (or completely)
Well that one is a banker but you will have some problems with your butt freezing out.

Good luck,
Dorota

Note from Melania:
Actually there's a fourth way to gain hot french boys' attention:
make them your family. I became best friends with polish boys who were taking care of my two dream husbands; and basically invited them to my house for unlimited amount of time. Sometimes, when they were busy having normal life (meeting their girlfriends, washing my dishes etc.) I took care of their charges. I fed them, I made sure their bladders are empty, I gave them cigarettes, one time I even stole one of them and made my parents drive us to the party...

Me taking care of handsome boys...

Well, that was desperate tactics but it actually somehow paid off: all the people in the street thought I have handsome friends and what's most important: during the weekend I lasted in their endless, splendid and sublime beauty.

School sucks

Oh my god, it's so late that it's almost morning, and I'm freaking out because I have 2 exams tomorrow, and I feel like fucking dumbass because for 4 hours I've been stalking famous people on twitter instead of reading what "stabat mater dolorosa" means. But it wasn't waste of time because I found out that Kelly Osbourne finds Miley Cyrus attractive (I'm not even sure if it is Miley Cyrus)

Fuck you, middle ages

+this saturday I'm going to Germany for five days and I have to get up REALLY early, so if I want to go out tommorow's (actually today's but nevermind) evening I should start packing RIGHT NOW, just to make sure if I didn't forget anything before the evening will come, because it's hard getting drunk when you're wondering where the fuck is you toothbrush.

As you see I'm totally freaking out because I don't know what to do with myself (so I'm writing a post) and I can't fail those exams because that would mean I'm half-brained and I don't know anything about middle ages. Sincerly - that's true, I don't give fuck, people back then thought the water was poisonous and they were dying of filth in the age of 25. And I'm not a great fan of christian literature, but that thread was very popular at the time.

warsaw i love you

I was skiing in Austria this past week and I was dying of boredom because there was like no internet (except for some brief moments) and I had almost nobody to talk to apart from this weird girl but whenever she said something that excited her she started yelling and spitting and shaking. I think that I just spent the amount of my 10 year savings for texts and calls to my friends in Poland (lol jk I don't have any savings cause I'm a wasteful bastard).

me skiing

So that whole week I was dreaming about coming back to Warsaw and now the fact that I am here makes me feel so happy. I love Warsaw. It's not typically beautiful with adorable old buildings but it also isn't a modern big city with tons of skycrapers and everything. Well I guess that many people would call it ugly. But I adore the lunch breaks spent with coffee and a cigarette on a nearby roof, skipping classes, chilling in the park when the first days of spring arrive, friday nights, lazy saturdays, baristas, a beer by the Vistula river and junkies over 70 that offer me a job as their assistant when I'm walking down the street. Man, I love Warsaw.
-D

I'm proud to anounce: The day I've became a biologist!

      As the title says: yesterday I did genetic experiment in the real research center, on the real bacteria, and even in a lab coat! 

Me in the beautiful world of e.coli bacterias

 Certainly it was fuuun and I told everyone to take photos of me while I'm acting like a real scientist - modifying genes is easier than I would suspect! And everybody knows that being smart is soo sexy.

  But do you know what the real challenge is? Turning down invitations. 3 weeks ago I was invited by my friend to her friend's birthday party in the club. I was told that there will be open bar so I was like "yes, I'd love to come" and I totally ignored the fact I will know like 4 people in there, including my ex-boyfriend (doesn't sound like fun at all) and the others will probably suck. So the big day has came and at the moment I should be getting ready for the party, and I promised my friend like thousand times that I will come, and now (even though I almost bought a present!) I suddenly realized that I would rather stay at home and read a book and I'm pretending to have serious case of food poisoning.

 What is sad I used to be such a party animal... Just a few months ago swimming naked in the sea with random, newly met, hot guys and Dorota at sunrise was like everyday shower. Kissing a drunk Australian guy  3 minutes after I met him was nothing special for me. Back then, I considered drinking to the border of vomiting as a great idea. Generally, I didn't have problems with meeting and becoming friends with people.

 But it definitely changed during last semi-anxious atumn. I spent all my free time in library and I ignored all the people I knew except the closest friends. And now, I don't even want to make the effort to meet new people at parties! I just prefere to stick to the old ones, get drunk and steal something (I collect things that I've stollen at parties - I will have to write a post about them).

 And I must admit that last time I was in a club with the friend who invited me to today's party; I got completely drunk. I left all the people that I knew. and I went to the smoking room and chain smoked for like an hour, completely ignoring any stranger who tried to talk to me, and then I came back home and went to sleep. That's how I roll.

And I want to boast of my new prey: today I stole a celery from grocery shop.

Kisess, M; (again, because recently Dorota is too lazy to write)

P.S.
We are starting the official sassy tumblr because my tumblr is viewed by my friends, and for now I want our blog to remain secret, so I can't answer your questions there :< (to a person who told us about changing our comment settings: Thank you sooo much!)

So I introduce to you: THE SASSY FILLES TUMBLR !